yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
