i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
