I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
