I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
