Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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