The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
