Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
