Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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