So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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