He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
