Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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