Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
