I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize