his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
