considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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