hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize