Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
