yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
