Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
