He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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