why didn't you poke me back
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
