do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
