I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
