I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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