he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
