don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dear god my vagina.
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