Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
