I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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