we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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