Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
