if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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