I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
