My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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