I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
