i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
