She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
