i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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