I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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