dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
