Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
