sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
