I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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