1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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