she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
