I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
