i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
