The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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