Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
