Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
