Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So vagazzling was a success
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