The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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