Can i not drive my cunt home
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
