the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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