If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
