The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
