So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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