So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I showed him my bush... on skype.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
