I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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