Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
