Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
