I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
