I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
