So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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