Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i will never coherently bang her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
