so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
