something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
