I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
