and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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